


Normal

by Zurela



Series: Orange Leaves [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coping, Deaf Character, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Panic Attacks, Trauma, allura is a really good princess, coran is a wise space grandfather, hunk knows exactly what everyone needs, keith will protect lance at all costs, lance tries to adjust to being deaf, pidge is the best sister, shiro doesn't understand but he's trying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 08:25:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zurela/pseuds/Zurela
Summary: Lance and Keith survived isolation on a mysterious planet, but that doesn't mean everything is automatically okay. Unable to hear and confronted with traumatic memories, Lance and the team do their best to get things back to normal.





	Normal

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my fic, Beneath a Sky of Orange Leaves, and takes place pretty immediately after, but you don't necessarily need to read that for this to make sense! There are some references to events that took place in that story, but the general plot and character interactions can be read alone.

Lance stood before the mirror in the bathroom, stretching his head into a number of odd angles while scanning over the features reflected back at him. Chin to the side, neck out, eyes straining to see into the glass.

His ears _looked_ completely normal.

Lance snapped his fingers. Then again. And again.

Nothing.

Over a week had passed without his hearing coming back, and each passing day felt more and more like being condemned to some horrible fate. A small ball of worry had settled into Lance’s stomach the day he ignited a bomb on a Galra ship, growing into a tangled knot over time and leaving him feeling constantly flighty and nauseous. 

Voices would filter in sounding distorted and muffled, alarms and crashes felt more like soft buzzes and thumps, and those intricate noises that always went filed into the background were now completely gone. The mundane, unnoticeable details of everyday life were finally noticeable, now that they were no longer there.

And yet, with one ear pressed up against a mirror and a bright light held against it, Lance couldn’t see a thing to indicate anything was wrong.

It almost felt unfair.

A low thump began in his ears, building up as if his heartbeat was moving directly to his eardrums. It was confusing, knowing these sounds were there but not knowing where they were coming from or what they were. Lance slid from his seat on the countertop and headed for the door to try and investigate, pulling it open to reveal Pidge standing before him with a fist in the air.

Oh. She had been knocking.

Lance tilted his head in confusion, giving her a blank look and pointing at his head. She knew knocking wouldn’t work, right?

Pidge only gave a sheepish shrug before an excited grin crossed her face. Skipping any attempts to communicate verbally, she instead grabbed his hand and began pulling him down the hallway.

“Where are you taking me? Am I being kidnapped?” Neither of them expected an answer to that, but joking with Pidge at least helped them both feel a bit more at ease. Everyone seemed to be dancing around Lance these days, aside from Keith. It was nice to have Pidge tangling him up in her schemes again, bringing along a sense of normal that had been missing for so long.

They ended up in Pidge’s lab — not actually hers, but it had been commandeered by her and Hunk early enough that everyone knew it really belonged to them. Pidge guided him to a seat next to a metal table that was dimly lit by a lamp an assortment of glowing objects. She grabbed something from the pile, wrapping her fingers around it and leaving Lance unable to make out what it was. She made her way back over and grabbed Lance’s arm, drawing his palm open before dropping the object in his open hand.

Well, objects. Two small, white pods with blue lights glowing on the sides. Lance turned up to her in confusion, only to find an uncharacteristically large smile on her face. She took the small devices back, moving to his side and grabbing his chin. Something connected to Lance’s ear, the cool metal sending a chill down his spine. Before he could react further, Pidge turned to his other side and placed that one in as well.

“Well? Can you hear me?”

It was faint and muffled, but there was no denying the familiar timbre of Pidge’s voice. The devices felt heavy in his ears, like a pair of earbuds that were too large, and a thin part extended beyond his ear and down to his jaw. Lance ran his fingers delicately over them, noting the tap of his fingers resounding in his head.

Pidge continued speaking when he didn’t answer. “They still need adjustments, but I thought you could test the early……....safe to wear. I also………....instead of the comms in your helmet. Since you………….…...this was the best solution.”

Lance smiled sadly. “I can hear you, and I can recognize that it’s you, but I only caught like half of that.”

Pidge nodded, her shoulders rising and falling in a deep breath. “It will take a lot of work,” she continued, slower and louder this time, “but I think we’ll find a permanent solution soon.”

Lance gulped. “Permanent?”

They both went quiet. Pidge pressed her fingers to her eyes before turning back to him. “Look,” she said, pausing to find the right words. “Hearing loss is difficult. Based on your data from the cryopods, you’re most likely experiencing sensorineural hearing loss.” She moved back to the table and grabbed a pen and paper, writing the word out for him and drawing a diagram. “Which happens in the inner ear. It can’t usually be corrected, and since it hasn’t gone away on it’s own yet…”

Lance slumped in his seat. He knew it was a possibility, but hearing it put into technical terms made reality finally set in. 

Pidge grabbed his shoulder. “Don’t look like that. I will do my best to perfect these, so we’ll get as close as we can. It won’t be exactly the same, but it will be manageable.”

Lance nodded absently and moved to pull the hearing aids from his ears, but Pidge grabbed his hands and pulled them away. 

“Those are a prototype,” Pidge explained. “I have others like them. I’ll work on those, and you can wear those for now. Write down any observations you have so I know what to work on. What sounds are better, what you still can’t hear, if you experience any headaches or your ears start ringing, things like that.”

The bright smile and excitement on Pidge’s face before had faded away into something serious and stoic. She spoke with sincerity and determination, which was common for her, but never directed at Lance. It was a bit unnerving, and left Lance in awe.

“R-right…” he stuttered out, not sure of what else he should say. “Thanks, Pidge For doing this.”

Pidge relaxed. “Anytime.”  
__________

Without anything to do while he was recovering, Lance took to wandering around the castle and writing down anything he noticed about his new hearing aids. Some things came through more clearly, while others were blank as ever. The change was unsettling, as if Lance’s construction of reality was changing every time his perception of sound changed.

A loud smack came from somewhere. It was more pronounced than he would typically expect at this point, but pinpointing a direction was still difficult. When Shiro exited the training deck, though, the source was pretty easy to identify. He was covered in sweat, with a red mark blooming across his face.

His stride was halted as he noticed Lance, giving him a smile and a wave before quirking up an eyebrow and pointing to his own ears.

“Hearing aids,” Lance said. “Pidge made them, she wants me to test how well they’re working.”

Shiro smiled. “That’s good to hear!” Though the sound was still soft and muffled, the tone and disjointed slowness of his voice told Lance that he was still struggling to make sure Lance heard him properly. “Want to try some sparring? Nothing heavy, since you still need to recover, but maybe some physical activity would help.”

Lance hesitated, but nodded. Doing nothing was getting boring, and even though everyone told him he needed to rest and recover, there was no denying the pit of guilt that told him he was slacking. The fight against the Galra could only be postponed for so long.

Shiro guided them back in, with Lance trailing behind until they reached the center of the training mat. He braced his feet and hunched into a defensive position, and Lance mirrored him, though his stance lacked the grounded steadiness that Shiro’s did.

“Go!”

It went well at first. Shiro was obviously going easy on him, but it felt nice to have to work again. Sparring didn’t require talking, just following Shiro’s movements and reading his visual cues. Both of them managed to pin the other, and Lance was pleased to note that he wasn’t too exhausted. Sure, he was more out of shape than he wanted to be, and the hearing aids still felt strange, but things felt a bit more normal, just like they had earlier when Pidge was dragging him around the halls.

Then came the training dummies.

That was a more verbal exercise. Lance could make out that Shiro was shouting commands, could hear the thumps of training dummies falling while new ones appeared from the sides, but everything felt dizzy and unbalanced. Half of Shiro’s words sounded garbled and mangled, and there was still no way to indicate where anything was coming from. The dummies assaulted Lance from every side as Shiro’s instructions grew louder and more urgent.

“End simulation!” 

That was the first thing that came through clearly since they had began. Lance was stretched out on the ground, pinned by a dummy that slumped away and retreated. The world swam and span overhead, bringing back vivid memories of bright orange leaves and butterfly wings twisting together.

A hand appeared his vision; gray and shiny against the bright lights. Lance grabbed it and let Shiro pull him up into a sitting position. A water pouch was held out to him, and they sat side by side on the mat in silence.

“Lance,” Shiro spoke up after a few minutes. “I know this is hard. Losing part of yourself is difficult, but you’ll get through it, okay? I pushed too hard, I should have stopped that simulation earlier. It’s okay.”

His voice was still muffled, though, and Lance started to doubt he even heard correctly. The positive feeling from earlier had completely faded into something bitter and dark, leaving Lance feeling useless and weak. 

Shiro continued, oblivious to Lance’s rushing thoughts. “You will adapt. It’s not easy, but you’re strong. I know you can do it.”

That’s not how it felt, with flashes of orange behind his eyes and the smell of smoke burning his nose. Sore muscles, swimming vision, pounding heart, sweating and shaking. Training dummies, Galra drones, water pouches, dirty streams. Bright blue lights, bright orange leaves. Explosions. Explosions. Explosions.

Lance rolled to his knees and choked on the water in his throat, coughing droplets onto the mat at his feet. He couldn’t drink this; it would poison him. The lights were too bright, the Galra would find him, find Keith, find them all. He had to be able to fight, to win, or he would have to sneak away again and kill a group of strangers and sacrifice some other part of himself for the sake of a murder that was supposed to feel justified.

“What is going on here?”

Keith’s voice cut through the chaos, a sound he had thought he forgot. With it came another rush of fear, of giant beasts and rainstorms and being too sick to think. More sounds rushed in then, voices that turned back into a roar, like a stream rushing in the distance.

A presence appeared by his side. An arm wrapped around his back, while his hand was pulled forward so another could intertwine its fingers with his.

“It’s me, it’s Keith. We’re in the castle. You’re safe. _It’s okay_.”

He was pulled up then, the arm on his back guiding him forward. Before they left the training deck, Keith’s voice rang in his ears once more, the volume and proximity producing the clearest sound he had heard since the incident.

“It must have been really hard to lose your memories, Shiro, and I get that. But sometimes I think you’re lucky. Sometimes I wish we could forget.”  
__________

Keith pushed Lance onwards, hoping their stilted stumble could get them somewhere private and comfortable. Lance still seemed out of it, hyperventilating while tears rolled down his face. He tripped over his own feet, bringing both of them to the ground in the hallway. Lance immediately pulled his legs to his chest, burying his face in his knees. Keith grabbed his hand and rubbed his back, but there was only so much he could do when Lance got like this.

He had been too hard on Shiro, there was no denying that. Pushing Shiro’s own trauma back onto him was unfair, and Keith knew it. Yet he hoped that Shiro knew it was unfair, too, to push his own experiences with his disability onto Lance. They had both been through a lot, and while Shiro buried his trauma in order to push forward, Lance couldn’t do that. _Keith_ couldn’t do that. The wound was still too fresh, the memories too recent, the guilt and anger and fear too present in their minds. 

Keith noticed the white devices in Lance’s ears as Pidge’s earlier declaration of building hearing aids rang in his mind. She had been hopeful for an improvement, but not a solution. Her explanation was complicated and confusing, but the team was able to gather that it was nearly impossible for Lance to fully regain his hearing. Based on what Keith had just seen, even with these in, it seemed that she was right.

Shiro had an alien robot arm given to him against his will and a year’s worth of lost memories. Lance had one of his senses suddenly torn from him and over a month’s worth of terrifying memories.

They were both horrible, but they were different. Shiro’s solution was not Lance’s solution.

Lance continued to shake and wheeze beside him, and Keith’s words and attempts at comforting him were going nowhere. Now that they weren’t alone anymore, the presence of five other people complicated things. Five other opinions, five other reactions, five other lives at stake. This was bigger than just Keith.

As he searched his brain for something, _anything_ to help, Allura rounded the corner to the hallway. Keith stiffened at the sound of her footsteps, but forced himself to remain still and calm so Lance wasn’t alerted to her presence. It would only stress him out more.

Keith held a finger to her lips, waving his pointer and middle finger back and forth in an indication that she should just walk away quietly. She raised an eyebrow before giving him a steely pout and marching over. Keith smacked his forehead.

“Please just go,” he whispered as she neared, praying Lance was still too out of it to notice anything. “I’m doing all I can, he just needs space.”

She crossed her arms. “What happened?”

Keith sighed. She obviously wasn’t going to budge. “He was training with Shiro, but it didn’t go well. I think he’s having flashbacks, they’ll pass.”

“It’s not just that,” Lance choked out before raising his head. “Just because my hearing is messed up doesn’t mean I can’t feel you speaking, Keith.”

Allura kneeled before them on the floor, facing Lance and Keith from their spot against the wall. “What else is it?” she asked. Her voice was slow and loud, though her calm, commanding tone was nothing like Shiro’s awkward one.

“I failed,” he said with a sniffle. “I couldn’t do anything. Not there, not here.”

Keith squeezed his hand. “No one is expecting you to-”

“ _I’m_ expecting me to do it! I know you won’t push anything on me, but I’m not dumb. We did a lot of stupid things on that planet that nearly got us killed, and now everyone is paying for it. We’re running from the Galra, putting innocent lives in danger because I blew myself up.”

“You did what you had to do,” Keith assured.

“Sure, I did what I had to do at the time. But remember what you told me, Keith? I don’t think of the consequences outside of the moment. I made that choice then, and now we have to deal with the consequences. You said it yourself! We both know this is a problem, and regardless of whether it was right or wrong, here they are! Here are my consequences!”

He ripped the hearing aids from his ears and threw them onto the floor, gripping his hands in his hair as his eyes squeezed shut, sending tears leaking out onto his cheeks.

Keith went silent. He thought they had moved past this, though the enormity of their actions were amplified once they reunited with the team. For the first time in a long time, Keith was completely helpless to do anything for Lance.

Allura picked up the hearing aids off the floor and gently pushed them back into Lance’s ears. He startled and looked up to her.

“I’m so sorry, Princess,” he cried. “I jeopardized the team. I know you must be working hard to keep us safe, and now...and now……”

His lip quiveredl, another sob wracking his body. “How can I be a paladin like this?”

Keith stiffened. Everyone knew how important this team was to Allura, how vital it was that Voltron succeeded. Any impairment of that goal must be difficult, and Lance knew it.

Allura took a long breath. Her gaze turned soft, but the determined glint in her eyes never faded. She smiled. “This isn’t your fault, Lance.”

Lance froze, the frown on his face turning confused and panicked. “I-”

“No, please let me speak. Keith, could you write down what I say? I want to be sure he gets it.”

Keith reached for the tablet he had taken to carrying around for Lance. “Uh, sure. Go ahead.”

“This is not your fault, and you have not jeopardized the team. Do you think I am angry? Do you think I am insisting you rest because I am denying the damage you took, or because I pity you? Please do not judge me that way.”

Her face grew sad. “I am the one who should be apologizing. I am sorry if I made it seem that Voltron takes precedence over the health or safety of any of the paladins. Of course I want Voltron to succeed. I want this team to be in top form, and I want to end this horrible war that Zarkon has started. But more important than that, I want to protect you. I want to be a kind and caring ruler, like my father was. You may be the a member of this team, the blue paladin of Voltron and a defender of the universe, but first and foremost you are Lance. And that is who I want to protect.”

Lance stared at the screen as Keith typed, the tense sadness fading from his face as his features slackened. He looked up to Allura, who met his gaze with a strong nod.

Lance sobbed again then, though a choked laugh broke through and a small smile grew on his face. He rolled forward and fell onto her, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. She returned it, coiling her arms around his neck.

“Thank you,” he cried, burying his face into her shoulder.

She leaned against his head. “You will be alright,” she said, strong and clear as ever, with the reassurance that only a princess could bring.  
__________

Allura left soon after, leaving Lance and Keith sitting side by side in the hallway. Lance had finally calmed down, his breathing regulated and tears drying on his face.

“Want to go sleep?” Keith asked, drawing his fingers down his face.

Lance shook his head, pointing down the hallway and gesturing for food. “I’m hungry after all that. Gonna go get a snack first.”

Keith nodded and pointed to himself. “Want me to come?”

Lance shook his head and smiled. “For once, I think I actually want some quiet and alone time. Didn’t think that was even possible at this point. You’d think I’d be sick of the quiet.”

Keith had agreed, albeit hesitantly, but went to go talk to Shiro some more and get in some training before bed. Lance headed for the kitchens and found himself relieved to find it empty. He rummaged through all the different cupboards and machines, looking for something more comforting than food goo.

Just as he was about to give in and resign himself to a bowl of bland green slime, Hunk strode in the doorway. He gave Lance a small smile and a nod, but didn’t say a word as he turned to the cupboards. Lance recognized a few of the items he pulled out, but couldn’t make out exactly what they were being used for.

Hunk turned to the castle’s equivalent of a stove, where he began mixing ingredients and rolling out others while setting something to simmer in a pan at his side.

Bits of this process seemed familiar. Those ingredients mixed together, the certain measurements, the smell in the air. Hunk had made this a few times before, but it was too complex for casual meals around the castle. This was saved for celebrations and diplomatic meetings, and typically involved crowds of aliens that needed to be impressed.

It was Lance’s favorite dish of Hunk’s, in terms of space food. It was comparable to something as simple as meat, potatoes, and edamame back on Earth, but it required a lot of ingredients and time, both of which were scarce lately. Hunk was definitely not cooking this by chance, unless there was some important meeting he was unaware of. No, his sudden appearance and choice of meal were very deliberate.

Lance debated saying something, debated calling Hunk out on his lack of subtlety, debated asking if Keith had sent him to play babysitter. But the food smelled so good, and Hunk merely looked to him with a shrug and a knowing look before Lance caved.

He grabbed the remaining ingredients for later use and started mixing together a marinade while Hunk turned back to the stove. They worked like that for hours; Lance setting a pot to boil while Hunk chopped something up, or Hunk stirring a mix while Lance peeled vegetables. They moved slowly and deliberately, and not a single word passed between them the entire time. 

Words weren’t needed, either. Though this wasn’t a common recipe, Hunk always enlisted Lance’s help to make it when the chance arose. He knew it was Lance’s favorite, so it was only natural that his favorite taste tester be present to help. By now, the whole process had become routine.

It was the best gift Lance could have asked for.

They ate together once it was done, sitting side by side at the table and relishing every bite. Thought they didn’t speak, they would nudge each other with an elbow once in awhile. Lance would spell out a word or draw a picture with his food, and Hunk would hold vegetables in front of his eyes or pretend he had been stabbed in the neck with a knife. The smiles and laughter that had felt so forced all week became relaxed and effortless.

Someone would occasionally pass through the kitchen; Pidge grabbing a plate to take back to the lab, or Keith grabbing water after training. They would glance to Lance and Hunk, watch them goof off and enjoy their meal without paying any mind to the intruders, before leaving with a smile.

And just like that, everything felt normal, even if it was just for a moment.  
__________

The combination of training, crying, breaking down, and eating left Lance thoroughly exhausted. His muscles ached, his head throbbed, and a stomach full of food left him warm and sleepy.

His bedroom was dark when he entered, the usual faintly glowing lights dimmer than usual. Maybe Pidge or Coran had changed the settings to make it easier for them to sleep. Lance climbed into bed once he had changed into his pajamas and pulled out his hearing aids, rolling to his side and closing his eyes.

It didn’t take long for a wave of thoughts and feelings and anxieties to rush in. Even after Allura’s talk and relaxing with Hunk, the nights were always harder. This night was no exception.

Lance rolled to his other side, eyeing his headphones that had become part of his nightly routine. Whenever his thoughts turned dark and persistent like this, they were best drowned out by music.

The headphones were slightly illuminated by the blue indicator lights on the hearing aids.

Right. That was no longer an option. Any attempts at overpowering his persistent thoughts would only leave his ears more damaged than they already were.

The nervous feeling that now lived in Lance’s stomach blossomed into something larger and more menacing. The panicked feelings from earlier began to pick up, heart racing while the world tilted.

He couldn’t do this. Things had been getting easier, he was better at being alone, but right now the darkness and quiet and fear were _too much_ and he needed someone. He needed Keith.

Lance debated knocking on the door before entering, but his shaking hands immediately moved for the button at the door, sending it flying open. Keith stood next to his bed, about to go to sleep. He startled at Lance’s arrival and reached for the blade behind his back, but relaxed once he realized who it was.

They stared at each other for a moment, Keith in confusion and Lance in desperation. Keith broke first, deflating with a sigh and waving Lance over as he crawled into bed. Lance fell beside him and immediately curled inwards, letting Keith wrap himself around Lance’s shaking limbs. His hand rested on Lance’s back while his thumb gently brushed up and down. The lights faded into dark, and Keith rested his forehead against Lance’s head, pushing his lips onto Lance’s forehead before relaxing into the pillow. Lance followed, and it was only a moment before the two fell asleep.  
__________

Lance woke to warmth, confusion, and ringing ears. The unfamiliar setting slowly became clear, and the image of Keith’s room bloomed in his memories. Lance glanced to his side. Keith’s limbs were still wrapped around him, though their blankets had become tangled and left Lance feeling hot and restrained. 

He pulled himself away, moving gently so as to not wake Keith. The castle lights were still dim; their simulated night cycle had not completed yet. If Keith was still asleep, it must have been extremely early. Nobody woke up before Keith, least of all Lance.

The ringing in his ears persisted, leaving Lance poking and pulling at his ears helplessly. When it failed to subside, the prospect of more sleep faded away. Maybe a walk would clear his head.

The castle was always quiet, especially to Lance, but the total lack of anything created a sense of uneasiness. No bright lights, no doors whooshing open, nothing. It was as if everything was frozen and vacant, just as it had been when the paladins first discovered it.

The lounge, though, was not. Even with a dim light on, the glow from the doorway lit the entire darkened hallway.

Lance wandered over and was surprised to find Coran inside, stretched out on a couch with a computer in his arms. It was an unusual sight, seeing as he typically worked with the larger monitors built into the castle, and was always rushing around and babbling about something.

“Coran?”

Coran’s head whipped to face the door. His arms lifted into a defensive position before relaxing at the sight of Lance.

“Oh, you scared me, young paladin!”

Lance shrugged. “Sorry.”

Coran looked him over. “You heard me?”

Lance froze, snapping his fingers in front of his ear before staring back at Coran with wide eyes. 

“Say something else.”

“Lance, can you understand me?”

Lance beamed. “Yes!” It was quiet and sounded off, and Lance still felt his gaze focusing on Coran’s lips, but he could hear. It was only a bit quieter than it had been earlier with the hearing aids in.

“I had the hearing aids in all day, and then I woke up and my ears were ringing so I thought something was wrong, but...is this it? Is this my hearing coming back?”

Coran grimaced. “Well…”

Lance’s face fell. “No. It’s not coming back. Pidge said it wouldn’t.”

Coran walked over and placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Now, don’t look so down! You’re correct, your hearing will most likely never fully return. But this is an improvement! You can still hear me, can you not?”

Lance looked up at him, those he still seemed uneasy. “I guess…”

Coran softened his gaze. “Ahh. That’s not the only thing bothering you, though, is it?”

Lance crossed his arms and fell back onto the couch behind him. “No. I just...I feel so useless. The team is behind because of me, and who knows how long it will take before I can fight or pilot the blue lion again. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“Yet you feel guilty anyways.”

Lance looked up at Coran, who had his hands on his hips and a frown on his face. 

“Yeah,” he said, hating the way his voice caught in his throat.

“Well if you really can’t fix this, then why do you feel guilty?”

“Because,” Lance countered with a frustrated groan, “that’s exactly it! I’m helpless! I made a stupid choice and can’t clean it up, and the others are trying but they can’t clean it up either. I just...I feel like a burden. I _know_ I’m a burden.”

Coran huffed. “Well, of course you are!”

Lance looked up to him in confusion, then fell back when he was met with a serious and determined expression. He rolled his eyes. “Great pep talk, Coran.”

“You are a burden on this team,” Coran continued, “and so am I. And so is everyone here. What do you mean when you say you are a burden?”

Lance shrugged. “You know. Extra baggage. A waste of space and energy. I’m dragging everybody down without giving anything back.”

“Ah,” Coran said. “I see. You see your burden as completely negative.”

Lance’s eyes flickered towards him in confusion. “Uh, yeah? That’s what it means?”

Coran shook his head. “A burden is simply a weight, young paladin. A load that others must carry. Each member of this team is a burden. We weigh each other down in ways that would not be present individually. You bear my burden, and I bear yours. That is the agreement individuals enter when they become a team.”

Lance stared at him. “Fine. Maybe that’s true. But you can’t deny that I have provided extra weight to carry ever since we got stranded on that stupid planet.”

Coran nodded. “I will not deny it. To have a member of a small team lose one of their senses is a difficult situation.”

“See?”

“But,” Coran continued, “does that mean we have chosen not to bear it anyways? Do you think we are angry or upset with you? Do you think we will abandon you? The paladins of Voltron have faced a great deal, both during your generation and the previous. It is the strongest team in the universe. You expect it to be broken so easily? Others have tried and failed to break this bond over bigger issues before.”

“But that’s just it!” Lance exclaimed, before forcing his voice back under control. “It’s Voltron’s job to deal with the biggest problems and fight the toughest battles in the entire universe. So it needs its best fighting for that cause. And maybe that’s not me anymore.”

“And what makes a team best, then?” Coran asked, pointing to his ears. “The most physically capable? The most intelligent minds? Those able to endure the strongest pain? The universe is vast, young man, and yet the blue lion chose you to be her pilot. You function with the others as a member of the team, with strength and loyalty and tenacity that is not found elsewhere. There are countless others out there who have the skills to pilot these lions. So why you?”

Lance grabbed at his hair in frustration. “That’s the thing, I don’t know! Why me? Why not Allura, why not you? Why not any of those others out there? Why is everyone investing so much into an amateur pilot who can’t even hear anymore?”

Coran crossed his arms and hummed. “That is because the others have accepted you as their team member, just as Allura has, just as I have. Do you think you are fighting this battle alone, while the others sit on the sidelines and wait for you to be ready again?”

Lance shook his head, his gaze still focused on the floor. “No, but…”

“We are all doing our best for you,” Coran interrupted again. “Allura moves this castle regularly to keep us away from the Galra. Pidge spends all her time building devices for you so that you regain the most that you can of your hearing. Hunk has added flashing lights to every alarm in this castle, each color and pattern for a different message. Shiro has had Keith teach him all of your hand signals, as well as the techniques he uses to help you calm down in a panic. Even I have been working hard.”

He turned away then, moving back to his computer and hitting a few buttons before the wall began to glow. 

“I updated the castle’s translation programming,” he said, then turned to the blank blue screen next to him.

A series of foreign symbols appeared on the wall, and Lance recognized some of them as Altean.

Then below that: _I updated the castle’s translation programming._

“Altean and English can be translated between each other, and both can be translated audibly to text format,” Coran continued, his words appearing again on the wall beside him. “So you are not alone in this. We are all working to make things better.”

Lance curled his knees up as tears began to pool in his eyes. “I didn’t ask anyone to do that.”

“Of course you didn’t!” Coran exclaimed with a smile. “It is in your nature not to! We do not do these things because we are asked, or because we are trying to force you back into a war you are not yet ready for. You are a member of a team, and a family, that looks out for you now. You said you missed your family back on Earth, yes?”

Lance nodded. 

“I can imagine. I miss my family from Altea. They would help me no matter what, and I would do the same for them. I imagine you had something similar. People who would work and fight for you and expect nothing in return, simply because you are important to them.”

“You think of me as family?” Lance asked.

“My entire family is gone now.” Coran’s voice dropped low and serious. “I miss them dearly every day of my life. But yes, I do believe that Allura and you paladins have become a new family for me. You are important to me. You are important to all of us. And you are not on that planet anymore. You are no longer alone, and you do not need to fight alone.”

The tears that had been building behind Lance’s eyes spilled over. “I know, I just...I want things to be normal again.”

“I understand,” Coran said. “I really do. But things can never be normal again.”

Lance nodded as a tear rolled down his cheek. “I know. I hate it.”

Coran shook his head. “I do not. I was once aid to the royal family, with my own wonderful friends and family, back on the beautiful and thriving planet of Altea. Now I am engaged in a war against a previous ally, with almost the entire remnants of my old life wiped out.”

Lance choked out a bitter laugh. “And you don’t hate that things will never be normal again?”

“Loss is hard. War is hard. I have seen it before and I am seeing it again now and I know I will never have my old life back. But to reach for some idea of normal is to ignore the problems of reality.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “I still don’t see a bright side here.”

Coran huffed. “There is none! There is no more normal. The old normal is gone, and you will never have it back, just like you will never have your hearing back. All we can do now is build a new normal and hope it is better than the previous one. That is how we survive after a tragic war, that is how we save others, that is how we save _ourselves_.”

Lance buried his face into his knees again as sobs took over.

Coran stepped before Lance. “So stand up, blue paladin! Stand before your team, and show them that their work is not in vain! Build your new normal with them, for the only way to move on is to learn from our past and work towards a brighter future. That is the work of a team! That is the work of Voltron!”

Lance leapt forward into Coran, grabbing him in a fierce hug as tears continued to spill from his eyes. His tongue felt heavy in his throat, a number of things fighting to break the surface, a number of words wanting to be said but none coming out. He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to say thank you. He wanted to say so many things that meant nothing and wanted to find the words to say so many things that meant something.

He cried instead. Coran met his embrace with strength and returned the hug, holding onto Lance, looking down to the child crying in his arms. One who had seen so much pain and fear and horror that no one, no child, ever should. It was not normal, but Coran would build the best normal he could for someone so brave and selfless.

When Lance regained his composure, he pulled away and turned for the door to go back to sleep. There were still a few hours before everyone would wake up, and Lance finally felt confident that he would get the rest he so desperately needed.

Before he exited, though, he paused and turned back to Coran.

“You are all so important to me,” he said, his voice croaking and raspy.

Coran smiled.  
__________

Lance collapsed into bed next to Keith, who stirred at the motion. His eyes opened slowly, a half-lidded gaze lifting to meet Lance.

“Everything okay?” he asked, voice slurred with sleep.

Lance nodded and curled up next to him, kissing Keith softly. “Everything is fine.”

Keith nodded and rolled back over to sleep, and Lance let himself sink into the soft warmth of the bed. His eyes slid shut, and sleep immediately began to pull at his consciousness.

The knot that had taken up residence in his stomach was no longer there.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I had a really good time writing Coran's part. Apparently my trope as a writer is having long, emotional conversations, and this might be one of my favorites in that regard. Coran deserves more appreciation! He is the wise space grandfather who is teaching a bunch of silly teenagers about space life and coping with the atrocities of war and I love him.
> 
> I still have a few stories planned for this verse, so this isn't totally gone yet! If you have any particular ideas for other stuff in this series, feel free to comment or tell me [on my tumblr](https://zurela.tumblr.com/)! I'm sort of not ready to let this go, so any excuse to write more is good!


End file.
